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Japan Captain Hook
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Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in japanjameshook's LiveJournal:

Friday, February 18th, 2005
12:19 pm
Grr! I feel the need to vent! I do not by any means consider myself a scholar, but I do find myself checking on the scientific community sporadically to check for any updates on bionic limbs! A claw is fine and well, but a robot hand! Simply imagine!

What bothers me though is the banality of some of the news updates on Scientific American! For example, look at this!
Study finds trade off between motherhood and longevity.

The article goes on to state, that for SOME UNKNOWN REASON, mothers who give birth to children do not live as long as barren hags! That mothers who give birth later in life live longer than ones who cannot wait until they are more ripened, and that mothers who wait for some duration between births live longer than the ones who fuck, incubate, and spit like factory presses! Perhaps there is some genetic link!? Perhaps there is an evolutionary advantage to dying sooner after giving birth! You anile harlequins! Has the thought never occurred to you to account for the already founded link between STRESS and longevity? The link between childbirth and STRESS? The link between THOSE two links? Fools! Buffoons! I curse ye!

And here's another interesting article!
Chimps' Sense of Justice Found Similar to Humans'
In the fall of 2003 Sarah Brosnan and Frans de Waal of the Yerkes National Primate Research Center in Atlanta determined that capuchin monkeys don't like being subjected to treatment they deem unjust.

And how about this one?
Study Shows Like Personalities Lead to Marriage Satisfaction
Basically it says that spouses with similar personalities get along better than spouses who have nothing in common! This was a multi-thousand dollar study! The benifit to mankind is immeasurable!

And look, just to SPITE me!
New Robots Approach More Humanlike Gaits
A thousand devices to mimic walking when all I want is a metal hand with a laser cannon in the palm! Blast!

Current Mood: aggravated
Thursday, February 10th, 2005
10:06 pm
Oh, it is a sad day today. You see, there was a street side entertainer on the walk path I was traveling. He was a man with a strange device called a saxophone, and his playing was absolutely enchanting. I had to stop to listen as he played the sweetest and saddest sounds that I had perhaps ever heard. You must understand me, I have never in all my voyages been graced with the sound of the saxophone before. I had heard LEGENDS, yes, but to see one in this earthly plane, to see it played by what otherwise could have been a normal man, oh it was ever so enchanting. Ambrosia for my soul, humor for my bones. But I reiterate, I have never seen a saxophone before, and this man looked completely ordinary, except that he wielded the golden beast in his mouth and hands. I thought, perhaps, possibly, mayhaps even probably, it is not the man that makes the sounds but the saxophone itself. That the man need do nothing but breath into the beast life so that it may breath it out again a thousand times amplified. How could I have known differently?

I asked him, very politely at first, if I could try out his saxophone. For a moment he did not even acknowledge me, and when he did, he only did so to say no. Bluntly and harshly, as if I had committed some crime in asking. I inquired again, just for a moment, just to know what the truth was. Once again, no. So I grabbed the golden pearl with my hand and ripped his lungs out with my hook. He would have screamed, I know, had he had ability to. But as it was he fell extravagantly but silently, and only the screams of witnesses clamored through the air.

At last, with the saxophone in hand, I licked my lips and placed the mouthpiece between them. For a moment I simply held it, fingering the knobs and switches that encrusted the instrument like jewels. Finally, feeling fully at one with the device, I blew. I blew with all my heart and soul, with all the passion that still rests dormant in these old aching bones, so that all the world would be able to hear me and be lifted from their weighty burdens of no reprieve.

But it did not sound wonderful like before, it sounded like a thousand kittens dying in unison.

And it kept sounding like that for the full fifteen minutes I spent trying to figure the wretched tool out. After that I realized that indeed, it was the person, and not the machine that had created such beauty in the air. I regretted killing him, deeply. I took the saxophone with me any way though, along with the case which had some eighteen dollars in loose change inside. The change wasn't much, but the local pawn shop paid handsomely for the screeching snake. To quote the local dialect in the matter, "boo ya."

Current Mood: lethargic
Monday, February 7th, 2005
5:47 pm
I have discovered a marvelous treasure! Within the sanguinary reach of my jagged hook, no less! A merchant's reprieve known only as the "Grocery Outlet" peddles revitalizing amenities at a cost that is so low I feel as though I am stealing! How wonderful it is to steal without actually stealing! I felt like a suckling again, full of morals and optimistic spirits! I purchased four boxes of Macaroni and Cheese for one wayward dollar! A can of speggetti-o's cost 69 cents! After all was done I parted with a single Alexander Hamilton and left with an amazing three bags of groceries! Enough provisions to last me perhaps two weeks!

When I went back and unloaded my bounty I was gravely surprised to realize that the Jell-O pudding that I had bartered (for $1.29) was not in fact normal pudding but pudding corrupted with the foul, sickening blight of Splenda. Posthaste I departed at once to the Grocery Outlet to retrieve my currency and do away with the scientific debauchery that had come into my possession! I strided through the ghostly sliding doors and grabbed the first employee I saw by his collar and held my hook to his scrawny neck, as if to jugulate him should he so much as look sideways.

And the fool looked sideways! I had no choice but to jugulate him then and there.

The other shopkeepers were keen to realize that I meant business. Within moments I had not only obtained a refund for the pudding, but made off with a months plunder in food and hundreds in cash register depletings! I had to kill two other noble souls that dared cross me, but all was well by the end of the day. Ah! It is so good to be me!

Current Mood: amused
Friday, February 4th, 2005
10:06 pm
Writhing serpents strangle my innards this evening! My food has been laden with the eggs of snakes and other vile basilisks, and they hatch now in the incubating warmth of my belly to enact pains of unending agony! Oh, gods! Allow me to swallow the egg of a falcon or hawk, so that it may rip away from my entrails but rid me of these beasts of hell!

Never again will I eat at that accursed Wendy's, with their patties of squarest make and foul flavor. The fries! Saltier than the sea itself! And then the drink... the size. Not even the stoutest man could drink something of such a size, but what would I be to waste perfectly good Pepsi? A scag, that's what! Though I gravely regret it now, I direct my rage not at my misguided hunger and frugal manners but rather at the perpetrator, that red headed ecdysiast with the precocious taste for cock! I will smite her soon as I find her true self, and not one of these blasted mirror portraits...

Blast. These snakes do not cease. I fear to retire in that they may do me in while in my weakened state. I may be forced to remain conscious while I await the reptiles to pass through me...

Current Mood: foul
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